Disconnection: The Unkindest Cut of All


Part 1:

What to do if you are shunned or someone disconnects from you

In dramatic fashion the elderly bearded Jewish man begins to tear and rip apart his clothes* after hearing his son tell that he is going to marry a shiksa, a non-Jewish woman. “You are dead to me!” the father screams.  “Papa, please!!” the son pleads upon deaf ears; his father turns his back, walks away and never talks to his son again.

(*Kriah, tearing in Hebrew, refers to the act of tearing one’s clothes upon hearing of a loved one’s death.  The above example is not a death, but a Cherem, or disconnection.  The father is cutting off his son, now a cursed people for marrying outside the religion.  It is practiced in Jewish orthodoxy, not traditional Judaism.)

This sort of scene has taken place for thousands of years in religions and cults around the world.  Fast forward to the year 2010 where a young woman who left the Church of Scientology pleads with her father to talk to her in the parking lot of the Scientology hotel in Clearwater.  He refuses and speeds away on his motorcycle ignoring her pleas and cries of ”I love you Daddy.”  Or another example, a mother e-mails me for advice, her son and daughter won’t talk to her anymore because a church official effectively turned them against her by telling them that she received some sessions from an independent Scientology practitioner.  Shunning and disconnection are alive and well in radical Scientology.

Trained to Lie:  Scientology has earnestly practiced disconnection since the mid-1960s even though it denies the practice to the press or waters it down to make it sound like it is the member’s choice.  On my website, www.scientologyrecovery.com there is a picture of a family being reunited.  It is one of the main reasons I do exit counseling of abused members.  I am dead set against families and friends being torn apart by a religion.  Freedom of religion is part of America’s air, it is what we breathe, live and have died for.  Tearing up a family cuts at the cornerstone of a person’s life.  It threatens child development as it robs them of the centralizing force which helps springboard them to certainty and maturity.   

There is the policy “Cancellation of Disconnection” Hubbard Communication Office Policy Letter of 15 November 1968 which states:  “Since we can now handle all types of cases disconnection as a condition is cancelled.”   It makes one believe that there is no disconnection in Scientology.   

But there is another policy:  TR-L, Training Routine Lie:  “Purpose:  to train the student to give a false statement with good TR-1*  “To train the student to outflow false data effectively.  “Commands:     Part 1.  Tell a lie…… “Training Stress:  In Part 1 the coach gives a command (i.e. asks a question), student originates a falsehood….”  (Ref: http://www.solitarytrees.net/ racism/img/tr-l.gif)  (*TR1, training routine 1, is a drill to learn to deliver a command or question effectively.)

I have told ex-OSA and guardian office staff (Scientology’s current and past intelligence units, NB why does a church need an Intelligence branch?) about this policy and they didn’t believe me or didn’t know it existed.  But Scientology spokesmen know it well and use it every day.  Lying as policy explains why the Scientology church has never been accepted, people know.  Also it is proof positive that Scientology is a destructive group.  Only a destructive group would espouse its main purpose as “get ethics in on the planet,” then train execs to lie and have a “Fair game policy,” which allows Scientologists to injure, deprive, lie and cheat to its enemies or those declared suppressive.  (HCOPL Oct. 18, 1967 Issue IV, Penalties for Lower Conditions, another “cancelled” policy)

Here is an example of a Scientology spokesperson, Tommy Davis using TR-L from a New Yorker magazine article about Academy Award winner, Paul Haggis who recently left the Church of Scientology:

          Online, Haggis came across an appearance that Davis had made on CNN, in May, 2008. The anchor John Roberts asked Davis about the church’s policy of ‘disconnection,’ in which members are encouraged to separate themselves from friends or family members who criticize Scientology.  Davis responded, ‘There’s no such thing as disconnection as you’re characterizing it.  And certainly we have to understand—‘

‘Well, what is disconnection?’ Roberts interjected.

‘Scientology is a new religion,’ Davis continued.  ‘The majority of Scientologists in the world, they’re first generation.  So their family members aren’t going to be Scientologists. . . . So, certainly, someone who is a Scientologist is going to respect their family members’ beliefs—‘

‘Well, what is disconnection?’ Roberts said again.

‘—and we consider family to be a building block of any society, so anything that’s characterized as disconnection or this kind of thing, it’s just not true. There isn’t any such policy.’

In his resignation letter, Haggis said, ‘We all know this policy exists. I didn’t have to search for verification—I didn’t have to look any further than my own home.’ Haggis reminded Davis that, a few years earlier, his wife had been ordered to disconnect from her parents ‘because of something absolutely trivial they supposedly did twenty-five years ago when they resigned from the church. . . . Although it caused her terrible personal pain, my wife broke off all contact with them.’ Haggis continued, ‘To see you lie so easily, I am afraid I had to ask myself: what else are you lying about?’ ”   (http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2011/02/14/110214fa_fact_wright#ixzz1DPYoVcUK)

Two types of disconnection:  In Scientology and other religions there are two types of shunning or disconnection; active and passive.  When disconnection stories hit the newsstands in the late 1960s Scientology softened its stance on disconnection due to bad PR. Families were being torn apart by mind controlled members who agreed to cut all ties with their family; there was a lot of pressure on the Guardian’s Office worldwide from district attorney offices who investigated Scientology because of it.  Passive disconnection came into being.  It allowed communication to supposed hostile family members on a “Fair roads and fair weather” basis.  You were allowed to write letters or send birthday presents to your dad or mom, and perhaps visit them.  But your communication was muzzled, you were ordered to not talk about Scientology.  This policy helped keep parents from going to the authorities and kept up the appearance of kinship.  However, with the return of radical Scientology after Hubbard’s death active disconnection is back in full swing.

Active shunning includes actively going out of one’s way to punish the person; “deliver an effective blow to the enemy.”  This is over and above the act of excommunication. It actually may extend outside the boundaries of community and legislative law.  Per the Ninth Circuit Court of Appeal in the US it is damaging and constitutes an “unlawful act.”  Disconnection and shunning cannot stand above the law of the country.  Also, being declared a suppressive person may be considered defamation of character and make the church libel.  (http://the-scientologist.com/anyonetodeclare.shtml)  However, entertaining a lawsuit would only serve to alienate your family and friends who are believers and is not the suggested route to reuniting. 

How to reunite:  Your son or daughter has written you a disconnection letter.  Perhaps you have feelings likened to death.  You don’t know what to do; you feel abandoned, the pain cuts into your heart.  Your self-worth is shot as a parent.  You lose self-confidence, trust and trustworthiness.  Your first responses are to attack or try to reason with your loved one; don’t do it.  They are under the influence of mind control and will not listen to you.  They will only listen once some sort of betrayal occurs to them personally by the group.  Destructive groups abuse and do not deliver what they promise, a betrayal is imminent.  Be patient and follow the guidelines below*:

Keynote: Betrayal by the Group or its leaders will occur, be alert for it and then act.

1.  Don’t’ get hysterical or show alarm when you are told about the disconnection.  Be kind, patient and understanding. 

2.  Don’t call names or call him or her weak-minded, brain washed, a robot, a cultist, or any derogatory condescending name.  Don’t threaten to disown your child, cut off his trust fund or give demanding ultimatums.  Talk in non-threatening loving tones.

3.  Take Care of yourself first and the rest of your family.  Seek counseling or auditing.  Address the shock and loss and gain a sense of stability.  Your goal is to seek composure and regain confidence and a sense of your own identity.  Don’t ignore your other children or family members.   Remain positive that your loved one is going to leave the group; it’s just a matter of time.  Above all never give up hope. 

4.  Undertake the job.  If you have not been out of the group for long or are not a Scientologist or in a destructive group, research the group, its leader, study what mind control is, train and inform and meet with the rest of the family, contact ex-members, an exit counselor, and establish a plan.  Don’t isolate, or withdraw from people, it will take a team effort.

5.  Reestablish any form of communication with love.  Your immediate goal is to love them, not get the person out of the group. People in destructive groups’ lives are contolled, especially by enforced reality.  Love is not present.  Your job is to be accepting and loving, not critical or confrontational.  Establish any communication you can and maintain and increase it through acceptance and love.  

6.  Don’t “beat yourself up” or think you are a bad parent, nor feel guilty or shamed.  Realize mind control and the sinister group is the problem, not you.

7.  Don’t directly attack the group or the leader or send random negative articles.  When you can, talk in person at a place away from the group and its members and when the time is right, share information based on a plan from your auditor, or exit counselor. Information sharing will come later, for now represent safeness and calmness.

8.  Don’t argue the person out of the group or cult.  Rational discussions and hoping intelligent dialogue will see him or her out of the group does not work.  Realize the person is psychologically raped and is the victim of mind control.  Aggressiveness backfires, love works.

9.  Always be alert for the leader’s or group’s betrayal of the person.  Betrayal will eventually occur because all destructive groups and cults do not deliver what they promise and abuse their members.  Once the betrayal is found  he or she will listen to any negative criticism of the group or its leader, not beforehand.  You need to establish warmth and comfort for your loved one to tell you about it.  Typical betrayals are; removal from post to menial work, being sent off to a lower org, trying to break up the marriage, ordered abortions, bad auditing, or threats.  Be alert for betrayal.  Once that occurs sharing of information can occur and reuniting will only be a matter of time.

10.  Don’t give up.  Repeat steps 1 through 9 as often as needed.  Be patient.  Your child or friends are exiled in a cold place, if you represent and provide a loving warm atmosphere to whatever degree it will be remembered.  Things can get worse at first, but if you remain steady in your love, it will win out.   (*The steps are written from the viewpoint of child disconnecting from the parent, but the steps apply either way.)

Part 2 will be presented next week and cover important points; such as how to talk to your loved one once you get ready to share information, overcoming the member’s induced phobias from the group and more.


    1. //

      Yes I read it before I wrote mine and found it great. I referenced it now in the article. Thank you so much.

  1. //

    I know very well this policy of disconnection. It has been much abused since the policy was stated in 1965, and I have even abused it myself, to my sorrow. The severity of ethics policies from that era was Scientology’s greatest error, and although such policies were designed to ease the troubles of Scientology and Scientologists, they often, if not usually, did the opposite.

    Disconnection was cancelled as a policy by Ron, not because it was “bad public relations,” but because in the way that it had actually been applied by people, it caused more problems than it solved. Ron realized that it was a blunt tool that was very often destructively misapplied and that such misapplication had caused much turmoil for Scientologists and their families. He further realized that disconnection was rarely actually needed and that various kinds of suppression and distraction that sometimes impeded Scientologists in their progress could be otherwise handled. Bad public relations was simply one obvious ramification of the misuse of the original policy.

    Personally, I think Ron did not do an adequate job of describing the policy in the first place, and this led to its misuse. Years later, after much damage had been done, he “cancelled” disconnection as a policy and explained that communicating or not communicating is anyone’s right, and there may be situations in which someone decides to disconnect upon his own determinism, but the general policy is to “handle” sources of suppression by communication and other civilized means. That was how the policy ought to have been clearly stated to be in the first place.

    David Miscavige reinstituted “disconnection” as a broad, unintelligent, inescapable policy because he is himself a suppressive person and a psychotic–as that term is defined in C/S Series 22– who had no other intention than to wreak destruction upon the subject of Scientology and its adherents, which he has done very effectively over the past 30 years. He has promoted and used the policy as tool of control over Sea Org members and their families, as well as other staff and the general public. Lying about it is just more of Miscavige’s psychosis and evil intentions.

    One should also understand that in the early 1960’s Ron and Scientology were subjected to fantastic, unjustified attacks such as the 1963 raid upon the Washington, D.C. Scientology organization, and Ron bore an unbelievable burden upon his shoulders of carrying on everything in spite of such attacks. One cannot reasonably expect that everything he did and wrote would have been perfect in every way.

    Although Ron is sometimes portrayed in the press and by non-scientologist students of the subject as a liar and a charlatan, anyone who was extensively studied his writings and listened to his many lectures will realize that they are listening to an honest and good being of extraordinary capabilities who has been dedicated to forwarding and applying his most exceptional discoveries in the field of the mind and the human spirit.

    1. //

      Thank you for your thoughtful, insightful and meaningful comment.

  2. //

    I predict this is one policy that must be reformed and will be in the next decade. Just like the Berlin Wall came tumbling down so the East and West could connect, be together with their families again, the Disconnect Policy is Scientology’s Berlin Wall. Love will win out and people will connect again………………
    This is actually how I was expelled myself, refusal to disconnect with people I loved that left the Sea Org and the Church. Oh there are so many good things in Scientology that need to be kept and policies like this reformed.
    What I did was disconnect from Scientology myself, wrote letters to that effect, to Mary Sue Hubbard who was the instigator of my being expelled. I live what I consider the best of Scientology and indeed went on. I do no auditing, etc………………….there’s so much more beyond Scientology. It clearly is not the road to immortality although it’s a fabulous ledge.
    Love Loy

    1. //

      Wow Loy,
      I laughed about your disconnecting from Mary Sue. A very positive action in your case because the whole idea of disconnection and declaring someone is to put them at effect by slander, the whole thing is libelous. You didn’t buy it and stayed strong….

  3. //

    All I can say is I have witnessed this so called “it is the members choice….” with my own children. My children keep telling me it is their own choice to disconnect and that the COS is not making them. That is such BS…I know my kids love me and would never even consider this, but they don’t see that they are being USED by the COS to feel like they have to make the choice. They are being influenced to choose by all the COS’s lies…..
    One day my children will see the truth and come back to me. I have total certainity in that!!!!!

    1. //

      My heart goes out to you. The “choice” to disconnect is framed by induced phobias about leaving; if you leave die of cancer, etc., and by threats against their own immortatlity. The young are particularly impressionable. They are made to believe you will contaminate them. It is part of cult mind control, as you say it is not really a choice. I wrote this piece for you and the situation you are in and others like you. Your love will win out.

      1. //

        Thank You Glenn so very much for all your support and excellent advice. I appreciate greately everything your doing to help me and others in similar situations.
        VERY SOON!!!!

  4. //

    These comments are from: Ex Flag auditor and Exec:
    Regarding disconnection:
    To break families apart is surely one of the most heinous things you can do.
    Scientology has done it regularly ever since I was in, starting in the 60’s, and I know it still does it.
    The fact that they deny it is indicative of their duplicity and contempt for truth.
    I have a dear friend who literally lost his son and daughter when he left the cult many years ago – they are still in.
    He is a wonderful, talented, caring, intelligent and educated human being who would have made a brilliant father.
    His children have been denied that experience and he has been robbed of them to this day.
    This alone is a crime that deserves this cult to be brought to its knees by government legal agencies,
    I know it has been repeated time and again – I have read the disconnection and SP orders.
    It is another in the cult’s arsenal of control weapons.

  5. //

    2nd post from Ex Flag Exec and auditor:
    Let Them Eat Cake:
    In our culture the only qualification that matters if you wish to be listened to is celebrity.
    Fame equals credibility. God help us…
    That is why when the media quotes celebrity Scientologists as credible experts
    on the cult you are getting a double dose of utter nonsense: firstly the words of the True Believers, completely brainwashed.
    Secondly – and this is crucial to understand – Celebrities do not and have never received the same treatment as non-celebrities. There is a balance of power between the average Joe: who the cult figures they can push around because they have more money, and more resources to lawyers, private investigators, organized pressure, media, and pressures like disconnection and family and friend ” interventions”.
    The Celebrity is quite a different animal however: It’s the difference between a hamster and a tiger
    They have More fame, popularity, access to media than the cult. THAT is why they were recruited in the first place – not because anyone gives a rat’s ass about their immortal soul. Celebrities also have enough money to access teams of lawyers, security staff, assistants, as well as talking to enough magazines and TV shows to bury the cult.
    So the cult tiptoes around them, never upsetting them, giving them what they need to keep them happy.
    So when they say ” there is no ill treatment of Scientologists” it is true- from their perspective.
    They have NO CLUE what really goes on, and they never will as long as they have money and fame.

    Ex-Flag exec and auditor.

    My comment on this:
    Celebrity Scientologist treatment is another point of typical cult hypocrisy; Policies on PTS A-J forbids special treatment to anyone-which as we know is not done. One celebrity friend of mine who got audited by me in the church and later on in the independent field got seduced back into corporate Scientology by another artist. He is getting some sessions and liking it, which is fine. I asked him if they asked him about me, he told them, YES, WE ARE IN COMM…. AND NOTHING WAS DONE. Talk about hypocrisy. The Church of Scientology is so celebrity starved that they let him go ahead on lines. Interesting…. I warned him about the GAT common errors and he knows I am in the background if he gets messed up. But, I don’t practise disconnection. However, I do preach and practice love and will not let any religion get in the way of those I love. We both agreed on that point. No church can or will dictate our friendship. That’s how it should be.


  6. //

    Hey Glenn,

    Great article.

    Thanks for this … you laid it out nicely


  7. //

    Not too long ago I blew all the charge on the subject when I came across this: “Self-determinism is the goal of the auditor.” (23 March 53, Review of Scientology/Dianetics…..) From this simplicity not only such things as the Code of the Auditor derive, it is the mission of the auditor and auditing itself to raise the self-determinism of the preclear.
    I realized that “disconnection” is only what you see at the surface. The real thing destructive of the preclear is that he is ORDERED to disconnect. It reduces his self-determinism and weakenes him. Any person issuing or supporting such order has neither understood what auditing or Scientology is about, nor such things as the Code of Honour or the ARC-triangle.
    The same goes when someone feels forced to stay CONNECTED to something he feels destructive. It violates his self-determinism.
    Thank you very much for this article.

  8. //

    Another brilliant piece Glenn. You really do have to take it on a gradient for Scientologists to come to an understanding that they are in a cult. Most of us that leave are so cultified (sic) that it takes awhile to really look at what the Church, Hubbard, Miscavige, the tech are truly all about. As you know when I got out-If someone said anything even remotely negative about Hubbard I would get very upset. You didn’t pressure me but just made it safe to look, to discover truths instead of being a robot to others data. I look forward to part 2.

  9. //

    Dear Glenn: How well I know about disconnection…I even went to the D.A.’s office to ask for help, but was put off because I had no proof for them. DS

  10. //

    Thanks Glenn. You are helping me get ready and to grow up. I feel like a baby sometimes.
    Love, Cece
    [lost Dad, son, brother, mother, husband, post, church – but not my heart]

    1. //

      I’m so sorry to hear about your loss.but so happy that you have not given up. They are ones in exile, not you, they are lost, not you. The Jews were exiled in Egypt for 400 years, theirs won’t be that long and they will come back to you. Try and use the article and the one coming up for advice.

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